no title

2009-08-20T11:55:00.003+08:00

sorry to have turned your life upside down.

i dunno what to do next. im afraid of making any move cos im afraid it may just cause me to lose you totally. perhaps im the selfish one instead by always wanting to do things to keep u by my side.

im screwed right? i am.

belated celebration.

2009-08-09T21:30:00.002+08:00

8th aug 09.
celebrated her birthday with her. went to the zoo in the late morning. the monkeys which she presumed was my ancestors, the large gigantic cockroach, the iced lemon tea, the kfc, the animal shows, the photo takings. followed by up and then hotpot culture at marina square. i hope u enjoyed everything, including the surprise. all those moments are gonna stay etched in my heart.

will this be the last time we hung out like tt tgt? hais.

why must it be all or nothing? i dun understand.

school is starting.

2009-08-06T10:32:00.000+08:00

school is starting in less than a week! like finally. im soo tired of holidays already. (okayy then 2 weeks later when school starts im gonna start complaining about school hahaha)

kailing's 21st birthday celebrtaion last saturday. could see how happy that little princess was that day. all smiles and excitement. especially when everyone was gathered to sing her her birthday song. she's really a lucky girl.. her family, her friends, the important ppl around her, they do care alot for her! her presents were a mole hill. i think like 50 or more ppl turned up? woahhhh. haha. tmr's her actual birthday, so, happy birthday pinkie princess :)

hall camp. hmm. the freshies dont care about me one. im very very sad. :( tried to mingle with them but its so damn difficult. rahh. what a failure senior i am boo. maybe cos i dun spend alot of time with them for the past 3 days? no choice ehhhhhh. =x

okayy preparation for ar. till then.

burnt week.

2009-07-28T22:51:00.003+08:00

this week's gonna be a burnt out week. practically no free time at all! work basketball friends. thats my life now. guess i have to start toning down and try getting back to sch mode soon.

and single life is still not my cup of tea.

when sch starts, wonder if things are gonna chg. different universities, different courses. and i stay in the island most of the time. wonder if we'll even get to meet up as often like now.

and as for u, i really hope we can stop quarreling and giving each other cold shoulders over the same issue... its pointless isnt it? its just hurting both u and me. sighs.

idunnowattodo.

(:

2009-07-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

monday:
gl outing at kbox. many of our gls are good singers! thou there are exceptions =x oops im so mean damn. went off to marina sq to meet bindy n boon to get ruth's present. bindy ended up shopping for her own stuff lol. then off we went to ruth's party. :) happy bday ruth! and stop blaming me for your S okayyy. booohooo.

tues:
harry potter with kexin ((: the show sucked like shit. no climax throughout wts. and i refused to believe every one else's negative comments before that. now i believe! but im gg to watch it again on thurs. shugs. haha.

today!
went to hub to meet kexin and waited for ruth the big big shot to come -.- all i had in return was her complaints about me making her get an S. thanks huh ruth! haha. then went to my house. watched ip man. like finally. then met angie to get stuff for koh kailing the birthday gal in one and a half week's time. and then it was surprise time from me to you :)) heheh. yay i surprised u. whee. :D:D

till friday then (:

bored.

2009-07-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

so bored that i have nothing better to do but blog.

cant wait for sch to start! to go back to hall life and studying mode. so all these rotting in front of the lappie will stop. feel that life has no purpose nowadays without studying man. haha. everyday jus eat sleep and use the com. gosh. how no life can i get. 3 more weeks to school! 3 weeks faster past. shooooo.

no nice games to play on facebook. no nice shows to watch online. no quizzes for me to do. staying at home is such a chore!

hall camp faster come lahhhh.

2009-07-19T13:27:00.002+08:00

its been long..

for the past one month, life was nueve pota and work most of the time. relied on these to pass my time faster without being haunted by all the memories. nueve was fun, and an unforgettable experience it was for me as a gl and with the freshies. but something was missing in nueve V for me.. and i guess only one person besides me know wat is it. things have changed so much. those 'promises' (i duno whether they are even considered promises now) that we made, about not gg to chg anything in the next nueve, about how who's gonna change first but yet we both keep saying we wont to each other. but i still hav to accept reality, that life is full of changes. no matter how much i believe and keep faith that i will not change, things that happen in life is still not within my control. or should i say, not only depends on my belief and faith.

but still, despite the imperfection in nueve v, i still enjoyed it all the same, jus imperfect.

no matter how much i wish i could turn back the time to one yr ago, i guess its reli time for me to grow up and learn to let go. instead, now i hope that time can fly past faster, to a time where new memories have been created for me.

2009-06-14T20:17:00.001+08:00

i really wish i can just stop thinking.
i really wanna stop thinking!
but its jus so difficult.
even harder than studying.
omg i fuckin feel that im going crazy soon.

why did i have to fall for you.

2009-06-08T17:27:00.002+08:00

i wonder how much longer i can go on like that.
im having a life where there's nothing i can look forward to everyday.
一天过一天的生活，
并不是我想要的生活。
but i still cant change it no matter how hard i try.

2009-05-18T18:36:00.001+08:00

one whole day without a message frm you.
its reli difficult.

i feel like thrash.

2009-05-17T18:50:00.002+08:00

i keep saying i wanna try.
i keep saying i wanna smile for her.
i keep saying all i want is for her to be happy.
but deep down inside, how many times have i done that?
zero i guess.
i feel that ive been so selfish all these while.
i keep saying it but i cant do it.
and i guess its reli tiring both of us out, esp u..
this time,
i really wanna try harder.
and i hope i can.
i jus need more strength from within me.

2009-05-13T21:31:00.001+08:00

trying hard to take things easy.
hope im performing well (:

time flies.
when 8th june comes,
guess i'll reli be seeing so much less of you.
sighs.

2009-05-02T14:23:00.002+08:00

想到了第一次见到你
你有一种奇怪的魔力
我感觉到我自己偷偷想靠近你
想到了第二次见到你
感觉我并没那么高兴 （但还是比什么都来得高兴）
因为我发现自己和你的距离
这是爱情还是你太美丽 (是爱情，也是你太美丽）
让我做出不可思议的事情
我只知道我要看你开心
我什么都愿意
只要能够靠近你
我只好把我想说的话都放在心里
因为我只想要你开心
我知道我会辛苦也会难过但我什么都愿意
不在乎狂风暴雨
不管你在那里
我知道你和你的男孩有多么的甜蜜
所以我才静静守着你
每一次看他紧紧拉着你手我眼泪不停的流
也只好默默退后我什么都没说
静静忍住痛

perfect song to describe me now.
hahax.
nice song too.

finally hols are here.
good and bad i guess.
good cos can finally take a break frm all the shit mugging!
recharge for nxt sem.
and cos nueve is comin! yay!
bad cos im gonna be so stuck with bball.
which i dun reli want.
but i guess, thats the only thing tt can keep me occupied bahx.
after talkin to bestie and meining ytd, i finally knw the reason for my constant deproving and lack of interest alr.
cos there's no target im workin towards in bball now.
hahax.
but well, jus play for the sake of killing time lo. hmm.

just hope this holiday will come and go like a breeze.
so tt july can come soon.

2009-04-01T01:47:00.001+08:00

thou i wouldnt want it,
im fine with jus friends.
as long as you can be a happy girl (:
i am willing to sacrifice.

2009-03-30T22:27:00.003+08:00

have not been updating for some time now. ever since we had that talk. cos i dun wan u to feel tat im blogging for a motive okayy? (:

hmm. indeed things are sort of better between us now, do you agree? at least for now it is. mm. we've been laughing n talking nicely these few days, studyin tgt sometimes like we always did.. i knw ur trying v hard not to hurt me.. i can feel it. i do. thanks girl. i really appreciate all that you are doing now, and i really treasure u alot. and of cos, im trying hard too. i admit i am paranoid at times, but thats cos you're really too impt to me alr, that its so hard to control at times, esp when u dun tell me things.. but im learning to respect your decision on this yea? (:

after the small talk that we had over dinner, i am glad to know tat i still hav that important place in your heart. its really heartwarming to hear that you know.. and the feelings that you told me you felt, about how you feel that im not being 默默在你身边, i cant say u're totally wrong. but you are wrong in a way. hahax. i admit i did try to like shun away at times, but thats cos i felt that i was hindering u and ur life in some way, and i felt that perhaps, that person is a better choice than me...perhaps thats the result of feeling inferior bahx. but i am still staying by your side. im still here. im still your bao. im still the one you can rely one and depend on and look for whenever u need someone. im never gonna leave you alright? 我会一直在你的身边的！okay?

youarestillthemostimportantpersoninmylife.
loves.

2009-03-18T22:53:00.003+08:00

dunno wat im doing is right or wrong.
its against my wish, it hurts badly yes it does.
but i just hope things will turn out well for her.
thats all.

im fine.

ifeelshattered.
alone.
neglected.
unwanted.

2009-03-17T21:32:00.002+08:00

关于你的一切我比谁都想要懂

爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟让我把记忆变成冰

在你的面前我就变得很笨拙，就像是一个不断忘词的歌手

能不能给我无数歌的时间, 紧紧地把那拥抱变成永远

waiting for you.

2009-03-16T16:56:00.002+08:00

im trying hard.
so much stuff fighting inside me these days.
that i dunno wat to do.
dun feel like thinking about anything anymore.
i dun want to think. bury myself in work, sleep, friends.
but still, they dont seem to help.
i dun want to be a burden, but i dun want to lose you.
y must things change the way its changing?
sighs.
i feel like ive messed up everything.
and i jus wanna piece the broken pieces back.
but.
how?

2009-03-08T23:43:00.002+08:00

life is just like a game.
a challenging game without cheat codes nor short cuts.
each and every one of us is the player in our own game.
and the people in our lives are the other characters in the game.
we will never know whats gonna happen at the next stage.
it might be good, might be bad.
u cant control wats gonna happen next,
u can only try to take control of it when it really happens.
changes are unpredictable,
and somehow, some things u just cant change no matter how hard you try.
just like how u cant win a game if u dun hav the skill, experience, or perhaps, luck.
but some things just want to change when u dun wan them to.
we get tired of playing games.
so do we get tired of life somtimes eh?
when things go wrong, everything just sucks.
but then you have to learn to hide it well.
cos if you dont, things start to get complicated.
in a game, if u start to be on the losing side, u get irritated and pissed. but u cant let your emotions take control if you want to go back on the winning side, isnt it?

sighs.
seriously, time doesnt heal everything.
love does.
and it heals everything within a sec.

2009-03-04T17:04:00.002+08:00

i really dun like what we are like now.
seriously.
i feel like an empty shell.
having a life with no meaning.
no smiles.
all smiles are fake.
trying to be strong when im shattered inside.
esp when i see ur unhappy face when im around u.
is it cos i did smthg wrong?
so many questions in my head u knw my dear.
i jus want an ans to each of them.
i jus wanna be smilin n laughin tgt with u.
is that too much to ask for?

2009-03-04T02:05:00.002+08:00

all i ask for is a happy you.
can u tell me how can i make you happy?
i just want you to smile.
to be a happy girl even amidst all the stress in sch.
pls tell me when im doing the wrong things.
pls tell me when im makin u unhappy can?
i was so darn happy when i saw such a happy you just now.
even with all of them else around.
because thats the you that i wanna see.
the you that i miss so much and yearn for.
i'll always be here for you,
and i wanna be the one whom you can turn to whenever u need someone.
seeing a frustrated and unhappy you just makes me so worried and hurt.
sighs.
it really pains me you know?

2009-02-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

how i wish i could have a hug from you.
to unfreeze the coldness in me and let me feel the warmth again.

2009-02-25T21:49:00.003+08:00

im not good with words.
im not good at expressing my thoughts, emotions and feelings.
i dunno how to make you smile whenever you're down.
but one thing is for sure.
i'll always keep you in the most impt place in my heart.
i jus wish .........

2009-02-25T18:47:00.001+08:00

can u please tell me what to do.
i jus wanna solve this.
i dun like wat we are like now.
and im sure u dun either.
i really wanna go back to normal.
sighs.

2009-02-22T19:20:00.000+08:00

don't give up on me, will you?

2009-02-22T10:20:00.003+08:00

shugs. had a bad night.
kept having bad dreams concerning u.
and once i really got scared awake that i sprang up from bed.
sighs.

nueve '08.
town, bugis, ps, vivo...
first neoprint. its been really long we took one. when'll be the next?
movies.
its a boy girl thing, hancock, batman, money not enough 2 etc.
how you came all the way down to novena to meet me without telling me.
eating all the food that we love.
spore flyer.
hall camp.
first ***.
how i hoped we were in the same og.
mayb hall camp would be so different that way.
sports camp.
how i made u upset cos i went.
but it made me realise how much u have started to mean to me.
didnt like to see you upset yet not being able to do anything.
when i got to knw u cried that night,
all i hoped to do was to keep talkin to u and not hang up the phone.
your birthday.
really spent loads of time thinkin wat to give, wat to do.
should i do everything alone, or should i join ur other frens in the surprise.
didnt have much of a choice, so i joined ur frens.
but perhaps in my heart, i hoped that it was jus me and you.
but still, seeing u so happy that night, was still worth it.
12 lotus at jp a few hours b4 ur birthday ended.
sorry i couldnt give u a very nice dinner and celebration then.
im sure if i hav a chance this yr, i will.
then ppl started takling and bitchin about stuffs that werent that true.
somehow it kinda affected us,
but i tried so hard to keep you frm leavin.
i never wanted you to leave.
and i dont ever want tat to happen.
it was so painful to see u treating me like that.
but yes, we got back to normal soon.
mugging tgt, going out occasionally, helping out each other with stuff,
things were so perfect even in the midst of all the stress.
cos we were going with the flow.
watched hanakimi the movie tgt.
was it you, me, or both of us?
if u ask me, i'd say both.
perhaps thats wat our hearts really want,
but just the same old issue had been holding us back.
my birthday.
thou we couldnt catch songs of the sea in the end,
i still enjoyed everything that day.
thanks for the gifts and time and precious memories that you gave me.
if only all my coming birthdays could be spent with u...
we still got to see songs of the sea in december ultimately :)
chomp chomp.
the jumbo sugar cane, fried corn, stingray, satay, chicken wings, omelette.
what gluttons we are.
hahas.
i sprained my ankle. you came all the way down to my hse to visit me.
i fell sick, u took the trouble to get thermometer and med for me despite ur busy schedule.
u always knw how im thinking, when im going to be emo,
the things that will affect my mood.
how u always cheer me up with ur stupide and silly acts.
it always seemed so easy for me to be cheered up by you, and im thankful to have you.
along the way till now,
there has been ups and downs.
we've made each other upset, we've made each other happy.
we've stood by each other's side in times of need.
perhaps ive not done enough in some areas,
im still learning.
there are some things i cant change,
but still the same old thing im gonna say.
why do we have to think so much and go against our will?
isnt it good to be happy by following our hearts like we've did all along.
its so hard to go against it.
i knw ive made a mistake again this time,
but i never ever want u to leave.
it might happen one day, perhaps.
but i dun want it to be any time soon.
when there's so many stuffs and so many places i wanna do and go with you.
when we're still so fine, besides some misunderstandings at times, like this time.

2009-02-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

im such a nooblet.
im such an asshole.
my mouth stinks.
why am I such an idiot?
why did I say something so pointless and stupid?
sighs.
girl, I swear, to you in the presence of everyone who reads this,
that I didn’t mean wat I said.
i just didnt think b4 i said it.
and i regret. really.
to make ur mood change a 180 degree so suddenly,
i knw how bad it affected you.
i knw how mean i was.
and i really am feeling bad and hating myself badly for it.
really hope you'd talk to me.
drop me a msg, or call me will you?
:(

2009-02-19T12:34:00.003+08:00

you know how worried i was for u ytd night?
worried till i couldnt sit still ever since i reached back hall.
decided to give u a call and bingo,
u werent okay after all.
after i hung up the phone,
i was told to wait for u all to get back to me.
but i jus couldnt settle down at all.
so i went down to wait as soon as i hung up the phone.
so silly of me.

perhaps im being over worried,
guess i really am.
but i jus couldnt help it.
was so angry at you initially.
cos i felt that you didnt knw when to do what.
whats your priorities.
despite being angry, i couldnt bear to be fierce at you or leave you in the lurch.
but well,
you are damn funny and cute when you're drunk.
couldnt help laughing till my anger went away.
lols.
boo.

2009-02-18T10:21:00.002+08:00

everytime i switch on my laptop,
i'll definitely smile.
cos thats when i see our happy faces looking back at me.
happiness and sweet love is all i can find from it,
jus so simple.
if only everyday could be spent tgt with u like that,
without the need to worry about anything else.
studies, work, etc.
life would be so perfect then.
booo.

really sick of sch.
cant wait for the sem to be over.

2009-02-17T00:34:00.002+08:00

boo. someone's complaining and nagging at me every single day to ask me to update my blog alr.
haha.
for you, of cos i'd update.
hehe.

valentine's day!
i dun hav a date on valentine's day.
i spent my valentine's day at work and in hall studying.
but still,
i had a happy valentine's day.
cos i had you around :)
that's all i needed, really.

wheee.
we are the champ for IH bball girls!
yayness.
thanks to all who came down to support.
esp YOU my dearest one. :)
you knw how much ur support matters to me.
and when we won,
i swear u were the first one i wanted to run to,
but i couldnt.
sorry :(
and i really didnt push u awayy. i really didnt knw.
believe me okie.
hahas.

2009-02-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

cui shit.
i fell sick again.
down with fever and bad bad flu and cough.
hais.
sorry. i think im a burden to you, am i?
:(

im back!

2009-01-26T23:22:00.002+08:00

yay. finally back from m'sia.
thou it was jus a short 3D2N trip,
it was torturous not being able to see you,
to hear you voice,
to receive your messages,
and to irritate you HAHA.
and to add to the torture, i made u upset for some stupid reason BOO.
sorry lahh my dear girl :(
ME NO BIG FAT LIAR!
:D

went genting and kl.
if my dad hadnt been so irritating by throwing his temper and weight about on the 2nd day,
perhaps i'd feel a lil happier with the trip.
all through the trip all i had in my mind was you you and you.
even shopping was for you.
honoured baby?
haha.
dunno if u'd like wat i got for you.
cos u knw i suck at getting gifts. boos.
and to make things worst im kinda brainless when it comes to this kinda thing. haha.
but well,
u have no choice but to like it!
cos its from ME! :D

loads of misses.

2009-01-23T23:57:00.003+08:00

cui is all i can say for today's game.
so freakin disappointed in myself.
where's my confidence?
i dunno.
just totally lost it.
thou we won, i still cant get pass the disappointment in me.

mmm.
sweetie.
u wanna know when im happy?
im happy when i see you smile to me.
im happy when you are giving me that laugh where noone else in the world can do the same cute expression.
im happy when you are by my side.
im happy when im looking at u.
im happy when we're studying tgt.
im happy when we're out tgt, even if we're doing the simplest things like waiting for the bus.
im happy when you show me care and concern that cant be compared to anyone else's around me.
im happy when you call me baobao.
im happy when you lie on my shoulder.
im happy when you're near me.

im sad when we quarrel or argue.
im sad when you push me away.
im sad when you start thinking things that ive told u time and again not to think, cos you always end up pushing me away and be fierce to me :(
im sad when i throw tempers at you.
im sad when im not your centre of attention.
im sad when i cant meet your standards.
im sad when we cant do what we want.
im sad when i make you sad.

and im gonna miss you so when im away.
really dun wanna live these 3 days without u.
sighs.
are you gonna miss me?
i hope the ans is yes baby (:

2009-01-21T22:30:00.003+08:00

bei2
mysweetiepie
myoneandonly
myheartthrob
myprincess
(:
.

emo post.

2009-01-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

feel so inferior at times.
i'll never be as zai as u.
u're so high up there,
always so busy with all the stuff around u,
while im jus nth, a small fry.
wonder what it'll be like when i take over u in work.
i'll be so far away frm ur standards.
but still,
i am proud of you.

ive done so much,
hung on for so long,
but after all,
guess its still not enough..
im lost.
someone pls guide me along.

aint gonna say die.

2009-01-17T23:10:00.003+08:00

i admit i've spoilt you.
but thats cos i 疼you,
cant bear to not spoil you and treat you like a princess.
u may not be cheering out loud for me anymore,
but i know in your heart u'll always be cheering me on right? :)
and i get jealous easily too sillys.
and much easier than you.
just that i can hide it better?
cos i dun wan us to end up in argument again.
dun like.
booo.

i just want you to be by my side.

2009-01-16T17:58:00.001+08:00

lets just keep with the flow
and not let random thoughts come between us.

2009-01-10T22:40:00.003+08:00

why is it so different all of a sudden.
and yet im left to think alone,
not knowing wats going on in ur mind.
whether im being an ass thinking too much,
or are things really wat i think it is..?
we've hung on for so long,
dun take everything away from me at this point of time
when things should be improving instead of backsliding..

the time we spent at chomp chomp was so perfect aint it?

从前的我们哪儿去了

so afraid of losing you

2009-01-09T23:22:00.002+08:00

因为我的愚蠢，白痴，冲动，
就那样差一点失去我最珍贵的你。
希望我的执著没有让你感到厌烦。
那天在你面前我完全失去了理智，
心里脑里就只想着一件事：
“我不要失去你，不管怎样都一定要挽留你。”
那种恐惧，
已经超出我的想象。
真的从来没有这么害怕过。
为什么在你面前我总是那么脆弱？
我想，我真的中了箭。

just like how fragile shane is in front of carmen.

2009-01-05T11:04:00.002+08:00

thou it hurts, but the hurt comes more from seeing u upset and not being able to do anything.
but im gonna stay by ur side no matter what.
im nt gonna leave like wat some ppl might assume.
我会默默地留在你身旁守护着你。
(:
hugs.

2009-01-05T01:11:00.002+08:00

the sharpest pain is when you see the one you love cry, yet not being able to do anything about it, feeling like a useless bump when all you can do is see her cry and offer her tissue, not knowing what to say to console her or stop her tears, and when she's crying for someone else.

really hope nothing's gonna change.

too impt and precious to me now.

chomp chomp!

2009-01-03T22:47:00.005+08:00

met koh kailing for dinner at chompchomp! (:
its been long since i last went there.
we had a damn sinful dinner omg.
oyster omelette, bbq chicken wing, satay, fried corn, bbq stingray, jumbo sugar cane, and jumbo fruit platter!
wahaha.
we were so like gluttons can.
even the couple beside us was stunned to the max as the food kept coming in.
laughs.
super super full after the feast.
-burps- :D

photos!! im so gonna get killed for uploading these. haha.

her excited expression as she awaits her food.

the first time i see this kinda corn! lol

so selfish la she doesnt wanna share her nice jumbo sugar cane with me :(

feeling sad when her fruit platter doesnt wanna come yet

TA~DA! the very very big fruit platter.

talkin about the fruit platter, everyone who walked past our table were looking at us eat like we were some weirdos. a guy still WA damn loudly when he walked past. -.-

at the end of the day, realised dat we din take photos tgt. =x

really enjoyed the dinner. hope you did too dumbs (:

so blessed to have you. thou it was just a dinner, i felt like the happiest person on earth (:

jus wan u to be happy :D

2009-01-03T15:12:00.002+08:00

为了你，我可以做任何改变，
就只有那唯一你我都想改变的，
我没办法改。
但不管怎样，
我还是我，
我的心没有变，
还是只有你，
还是只想疼爱你，
呵护你，
照顾你。
我不怕被伤害。
我只想勇敢去爱，
至少这样我知道我不会后悔。

2009-01-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

wow. cant bliv im actually updating daily. haa.
went for my driving test today.
was scared and nervous like shit can.
passed it.
but its nothing to be proud of cos its auto. -.-
kinda regretted taking auto after much nagging frm my mum.
was jus lazy to learn manual at that time.
plus some psychoing from my frens that there wasnt a need to learn manual.
TSK.

met dumbs and headed to bugis after tat.
tried on like 10 pairs of jeans till i finally found the one for me.
love it to the max (:
sorry girl and thanks for accompanying me walk around and try so many jeans.
im sure u were bored out eh ):
but then, really enjoyed the company.
hols are ending.
which means lesser outings?
but i'll get to see you in sch everyday.
s is tht a good thing or bad thing?
boos.
perhaps smth simple like mugging tgt aint tht bad after all.
but will we be?
hope so. haa.

2009-01-01T21:57:00.002+08:00

happy new year!!
wow.
2008 really flashed past like lightning.
half a year ago i was still workin in the company.
and now, its gonna be the start of my 2nd sem in uni soon.
guess the busy and hectic uni life has made time past like the wind bahs.

in 2008, had both ups and downs.
experienced working life.
learnt driving.
been into a relationship which i shouldnt have cos i ended up hurting an innocent.
learnt a lesson from it.
stepped into uni life.
met someone special.
and this time, it really meant special.
someone who is able to give me a happy and blessed feeling whenever im with her.
someone who never fails to make me laugh at her expressions and actions.
someone i cant help but love.
thanks for all the guidance through uni life.
thanks for the companionship, support, encouragement, care and concern.
though its nt something reli good to thank for, but still, thanks for the quarrels and tempers.
cos without them, i wouldn't know how important u are to me and how much i need you.

in 2009,
i wanna get gpa 5! (in my dreams? HAHA)
i wanna pass my driving! (tmr!!!)
i wanna go to all the places we've wanted to go. (thats a long list eh? haha)
i wanna find temp work (to save up for taiwan and guitar heroes and clothes :D ).
i wanna treasure all the time we have.
i wan beibei to stay happy.
(:(:(:

2008-12-31T18:01:00.003+08:00

if only u didnt have to have dinner at home. boo.
i dun care how we're gonna spend the last second of 2008 and first second of 2009.
i just wanna spend it with you.
together.
that's it.
(:

2008-12-30T21:06:00.002+08:00

seriously, my life's been lit up by you.
you're the only one who can make me smile or even laugh to myself whenever i think of you.
haha.
laughing till your eyes are virtually gone.
wearing my jersey which seems like a dress on you and hiding under my blanket so that i wont be able to find it and then come popping out from the blanket with a tada~
ROFL.
your everything makes me feel that life is so great.
life with you in that is.
(:
i just wanna spend every moment with you.

2008-12-24T23:08:00.002+08:00

just wanna tell you
that i've always been very happy with you by my side
except for the tiny quarrels and tantrums sometimes which make me emo lol
but still
im really happy to have you in my life
thanks for the bedtime story
i really love it
makes me feel that my presents are actually nothing
hahas.
thou no zoo trip,
but i still got to spend a few hours with you.
just something so simple is more than enough to satisfy me alr. (:
feel so blessed to have you in my life you know
jus like you,
i wish you'd be happy always.
cos your smile and laughter is wat's most important to me.
(:
and please stop eating instant noodles.
your hair all dropping off le.
haha.

2008-12-23T21:46:00.002+08:00

went to queensway in search of the pink nike bottle but to no avail. boo. :( mission failed. doubt i'll be able to find it anywhere anymore. sighs. sorry girl. ive tried my best. u knw it right?

a few days ago i went for a buffet with my mother. along the way she drove past my granny's old house, the place where i grew up in. today the bus passed by cck cemetery. made me think of my granny who passed away last year. then all the memories and regret came flowing into my mind again. felt so sour at that moment. hate myself for not treasuring her when she was around. always taking her for granted. because of her, ive seen death. a year and a half without her has passed, and i think ive grown quite alot during this period. ive learnt to treasure my family members more. the line between life and death is just so thin. my mother, i can see that she's aging. but still workin so hard to support this family of 6 + a maid. thou she's naggy and irritating at times, but, come to think about it, which mother doesn't nag? the answer is a mother who doesn't care i guess.

christmas is coming!

i dont want alot for christmas.
all i want for christmas is you.

2008-11-26T00:01:00.002+08:00

imisslittlefat.

2008-11-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

somehow, i feel that things have changed, in a way or the other.
is it you, or is it the exams?
i hope its the latter.
really miss those days.
before sch sem started.
when studies weren't a factor to consider.
when time was on our side.
cant wait for exams to be over.
you're gonna keep ur word and go to all the places we said we would go right?
pls do!
hmm.
2 more weeks.
yay.

thepainjustcomeswheneverifeelthecoldness

2008-10-29T01:29:00.002+08:00

one month later and im back. hahs. guess now this blog is more suitable for personal entries cos ppl hardly visit my blog alr cos they jus assume i dun update. (:

dunno why but have been feeling weird tonight. the feeling reli sucks. and im trying hard to un-emo myself. nah its not you who made me emo. i emo-ed myself. dun blame urself okie?

im jus being so so paranoid all of a sudden. suddenly feel the insecurity which ive been trying to hide frm all these while. perhaps im feelin so emo cos i jus watched hot shot ba. feel that im so like yuan da ying. but not as wei da thou. but if i were given a chance to do such sacrificial things for her, i would. even if it means sacrificing my life.

boo. after all, i have no right to control you or your life. but i hope my life could be controlled by you thou. hahs.

reli feel like letting all the tears out right now. where at least your shoulder is there for me. where your presence will comfort me. but i cant. cos i dun wanna bring more stress and worry to you. you've enough on your mind alr. but well, nobody will understand. perhaps meiping or cally will. haha. up till now, i still think the two of them are the ones who understands me inside out most. they never fail to knw how im feeling and what i would do at certain circumstances.

why is my heart feeling so pain? :(

trying hard to ignore the pain by studying. but its so difficult. whenever that phone rings, i just cant help it. p-a-r-a-n-o-i-d.

but still, im telling myself not to lose myself. cos i dun wanna make her worry do i? of cos not. i only want her to be happy. yes i do.

2008-09-27T02:09:00.002+08:00

drastic changes just over a few days.
have i done wrong?
i think i did.
i know i've messed things up. esp for your side.
i really didn't want this to happen.
if only...
hais.

rahh studying is really driving me crazy. seriously everytime i study i feel like im taking A's. boos. i miss sec sch and jc life. esp sec sch life! boohoo. after coming to uni i realised that the best friends in life are in fact sec sch friends. at least for my case. thou we dun meet up very often, but every meet up we still hav so much laughter to share, so much crap to talk about, updating about each other's lives and all. at a blink of an eye, i've known u guys for at least 4 years. meiping cally jasmin tiff wanqi xueting sherry jillian kaiting stella kahyan luan ningxin perlin fangyi. really glad to have u guys in my life. really miss those days in anderson. boo. throughout these years, so many things have changed except for one thing, our friendship! :D

想爱却不能爱

2008-09-13T22:08:00.003+08:00

boo. someone's been complaining bout my blog being boring cos got no updates. haha. but really nothing to update ma. guess ive been too busy to even take note about the stuff happening around me these days. anw, nobody even visits my blog anymore i guess. haha.

hmm. life's been so suffocating these days! all the mugging n mugging through the nights. tutorial after tutorial. ive been staying in school practically for the whole week this week! and i dun even have time for my very last driving lesson so that i can faster get a date for my test and hope i pass and get all these shit done once and for all. boo. and i dont even get to home this weekend cos i have to stay in hall to mug for my bio quiz on monday. wat the shit. hmm. but thankfully my long nights arent spent alone! cos ive got sillys to mug through the night with at bie, and my lovely roomie leying and pangsai mates jieshi and xinyi to mug through at blk 5 study room.

boo. we've been so busy with our work lately, esp you with ur com's stuff and trying hard to cope with ur studies, that we dun even have time for other things besides studying such as proper hthts like we used to. recess week faster come! i wanna go out with u la! booooo. dun care dun care.

and yea, this week's been a rough week. dun like the quarrels. cos the aftermath makes us seem so distant and cold. boohoo. thou its over alr, i still wanna say sorry girl! my bad for not controlling myself well enough. boohoo.

hmm. here goes.

you're special cos...
you're the only one who makes me feel that waiting isnt a chore.
you're the only one who i tend to do silly things for
you're the only one who can come up with such stupid jokes that never fail to make me laugh.
you're the only one who can decide whether my day is good or bad.
you're the only one whose presence lights up my day.
you're the only one whose hugs give me warmth and comfort.
you're the only one who can make my heart beat fast, even for the simplest reasons.
you're the only one who makes me look forward to each and every day.
you're the only one i wanna share my everything with.
seeing you even just for that one glance is enough to bring me to the top of the world.
chatting with you makes my worries and unhappiness all go away.
YOU'RE MY WORLD.

2008-08-16T01:13:00.003+08:00

woah. only 2 weeks into uni life and im feeling so stressed up alr. cant imagine whats gonna happen in my following days in uni. sighs. feeling stressed but still liking varsity life. perhaps cos ive lost contact with studies for quite some time thats y im feeling so stressed up now ba. mayb i'll get used to such a life soon. but i really want time out for our movies and gelare and bnj. boos. i really miss those days b4 sem started when we had more time for all other things besides studying. :(

痴心绝对

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会看见

你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天
你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

i knw this is kinda an oldie alr but its a nice (but super emo) songgg.
BOOS.

爱是不是不开口才珍贵

2008-08-13T00:28:00.002+08:00

this sucks totally.
why cant those ppl be more mature and stop going around bitchin about others when they dun even knw a shit.
and some ppl jus cant be more sensitive towards others.
sighs.
these 2 days have been shitty.
esp for dumbs.
im sorry.
hmms.
hope all these shit wont chg a thing.
but i guess its gonna be difficult.
cos i somehow feel it.
or is it im being over sensitive?
i dunno.
eff-ed up.
RAHH.
RANT RANT RANT.

2008-08-09T23:44:00.002+08:00

我也和你一样，
也很害怕这一切总有一天会结束。
你知道吗？
其实这几天我和自己挣扎了很多很多。
为的就是不要让你我之间有任何的改变。
我真的很想。。。，
但我不能。
因为我真的真的害怕如果这样我会因此而失去你。。
虽然没有事情是可以天长地久的，
但至少，我知道我为了拥有而努力过。

2008-08-09T00:09:00.007+08:00

im super lazy to update my blog these days. boo. first week of uni life! all i can say is im enjoying hall life. hahaha. TOTAL FREEDOM OKAYY! TOTAL! hahaha. but i v guai one i dun stay out very late. at most 1plus 2plus only! laughs. thou im enjoying hall life, but mugging still sucks sometimes. when ppl frm other slack courses like biz are playing out there, im struggling to make friends with my notes and tutorials and textbooks. boohoo.

talking about hall life, how can i forget to mention my lovely roomie! haha. i feel so blessed to have such a nice and sweet roomie! thou we've barely known each other for a week, we alr have HTHTs and COT alr lo! haha. and she's been there for me when i was feeling down and tried so hard to cheer me up. hahas. thanks lians! (:

celebrated kohkailing's birthday with her by surprising her at her room at 12midnight! some dumbs still tried to go slp b4 the clock struck 12 initially. boos. where got ppl sleep on their bday one! haha. thou u are older now with a TWO in ur age, i knw u were happy on ur birthday right! so many ppl to celebrate with u. heheh. i want also dun have lah. hmms. thinking bout it, i havent had a decent celebration since sec 4. thanks to A levels plus my birthday always comes during the sch hols. boos. cant really rmb wat celebrating my birthday feels like. hmms. o wells.

im hungry. :(

okayy photos time.

the first 2 photos taken at clarissa's house during the farewell. but von's not in the photo cos she left boos. :(

xinying ade and me! if von was in the photo then would it be more complete! ):

clarissa me xinying rach and ade! :D

kohkailing and me at subway =D
taken on dumbs birthday in the room (: walao i have serious pimple outbreak. haha.

yay the present frm me on her blackie hand haha woops

and this pretty bouquet of sunflowers too! i knw im sweet yay. haha =P

whatsmeanttobeyours,
willbeyours.
whatsnotmeanttobeyours,
willneverbeyours,
nomatterhowhardyoutry.
还是顺其自然吧。

2008-08-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

went for bbq at clarissa's hse today. happy to see all the ex-andersonians esp bballers. so miss all those days in sch. the eating tgt, the crapping, the trngs we endured through as a team. time really flies! we're all gonna start our uni life in 2 days, when i still could rmb the times in anderson sec. boos.

joined kayden for breakfast dis mrng when i went back to clean up my room. i miss kayden too, thou i only spent 1 day with them. why do i seem like im missing so many ppl. haha. crapped alot with them, esp the girls. yay there are so many of us in blk 3 whee. haha. and i love my toilet mates! though they always bully me. haha. now the only thing to hope for is for a nice roomie. boo. hopefully frm my course then i can kapok alot of stuff frm her. hahaha.

so looking forward to hall life. cos thats when i really get total freedom and be around friends all day and have my own life without my parents' control! yayness. but totally not looking forward to the start of sch. notes are like so damn thick. and i dun understand a thing frm it. boohoo.

but before sch starts, im looking forward to tmr. (:

ireallyhope
thatifonedaythingsreallyweretochgbetweenus
itwouldbeforthebetter
andnotfortheworse.

2008-07-31T21:52:00.002+08:00

its been long since i went out alone like today. thou i seemed like a loner, but bo bian. had to be alone for today. cos had to settle some stuff alone and din wan ppl to tag along. bwahaha.

first i went to borders to get my pencil box for school. finally they restocked their designs and finally there's one that i actually liked. at firs din really like but now the more i look at it the more i love it. laughs. then met dumbs for a quick lunch at shaw. city hike seemed fun. for a few minutes i really felt like joining back camp. but wells, kinda lazy. and dun wanna feel cooped up again. so i just stopped thinking too much into it.

after that went city hall to settle the stuff im supposed to settle. cant say what, but i made good friends with grasshoppers, big red ants, butterflies, bees, and the grass today. haha. this sounds really retarded but i cant say what i did cos i have to keep it a secret for now. laughs. hmm after settling it i went to peninsula to shop for clothes. seriously this wasnt part of my plan today. jus out of a sudden felt like gg there to get some skinnies. bought 1 skinny 2 berms and 1 vest. finally i got my vest lahh. dunno whether i'll even wear it but well, jus buy lahh. haha. up next was haircut at chapter 2. bought hairspray frm there too. bought a top from fourskin, a top and hoodie frm topman. oh no. this sounds really bad eh? thats the problem with being alone. i'll spend like nobody's business. i need ppl around to stop me from spending money! =X

all in all, spent bout 200bucks today. gosh.

everything then really seemed like a dream.
and how i wish, that i'd never wake up from this dream.
booos.
i will never know what u're thinking, my dear girl.
too many questions in my mind.

2008-07-28T21:28:00.002+08:00

today is my 8th day in camp omg. im so tired of camps camps and more camps. the same old stuffs like cheering and all. boos.

went for sports camp last week. seriously, sports camp is a different camp from any other FOCs in the campus. its a camp worth going to cos it isnt like the typical FOCs in school and hence a totally different experiencebut its a bloody shag camp to go to la. its a test of the body and mind. hmms. and frm sports camp i came straight to hall camp. and the atmosphere at hall camp sucks like shit. cos the activities are damn cliche and doesnt interest me much, esp when i jus came frm sports camp where the activities are all so extreme. the only two motivations for me coming to hall camp is to find a roomie plus toilet mate and to be around some dumbbs. boos. haha. hmmm!

oh oh oh! before i forget to mention, im posted to HALL 2!!!! WHEE. my appeal got through like so easily la. no kick! laughs. hmm. but the sad thing is that im in a diff of frm dumbs boohoo. but well at least im in hall 2! yay. and my block is jus right in front of dumbs block. whee. thou being in the same blk would be better, but well, one cant ask for too much eh? hmm. hahas.

should be downstairs joining in the hall camp activities now but am here slacking using the lappie. laughs. cos im reli too shag frm the sports camp le. boos. yawns.

so,nowwhat?
sighs.
imjustlettingeverythingfollowtheflow.
justhopingthat
everything'sworthwaitingfor.
imhappywithmylifenow :D

2008-07-21T15:24:00.002+08:00

booos. i'll be gone for camp for two weeks so my blogs gonna rot soon. haha. so here am i to udate my last entry before i go to camp. anyway, im in school waiting for camp to start alr. in huilin + kailing's room using huilin's lappie to update. haha. waiting for the dumb kailing to finish acking her stuff before going to SAO to ask bout my hall thing then go meet up with the rest of sports camp ppl. yawns. sports camp is gonna kill me im sure. hall camp which is right after sports camp doesnt help at all. 2 weeks of camp! kill me pls. boos.im so gonna miss..... HMM! haha.

anyways, had pota gathering on friday. sorry ade xy simone n clar for having to pangseh u all cos of the gathering! hmm. i'll be sure to make it for the dinner at clar's house next sat okie! (: pota gathering was fun! went sentosa in the morning then shaun's house for bbq in the evening. played wii for the first time! ok i knw i damn sua ku but well, i think i have a hidden talent in tennis! haha. wii is fun. :D

catched batman on sat with dumbs. the show was draggy and so many twists la. at first i couldnt und the movie at all. hahas. but overall ok la. hmms. then after movie went to milennia walk to meet up with sports camp ppl. my ogl is si qi! the ogl for tito during nueve. hahas. but im damn heng cos lin na is in the same og as me and i hav a gl whom i alr knw. hahas. sorry dumbs for not being able to give u ur bnj treat and neoprint. ): i wont forget de okie! and and stop thinking about what u always worry about! cos that wont happen okie! dumbs! smiles. (:

2008-07-17T00:33:00.003+08:00

i made someone special to me upset today.
and im not feeling good about it at all.
to that someone,
i really never meant those things.
i know ive been saying alot of sorries.
so much so that it makes one feel that im jus saying for the sake of saying it.
i guess i should really stop all my sorrying and start thinking.
cos i really dun wanna make u upset.
boos.
smiless (:

2008-07-15T23:12:00.002+08:00

went to ntu today to get my medical check up done. alone. so ke lian la. go all the way there alone. the journey plus the check up was damn boring lah. lucky i have my psp to pei wo. boos. hahas. and some more i couldnt find the medical centre at first. had to ask around. -.-

after check up walked to north spine to meet miss koh kailing for lunch. i shouldnt have eaten lunch before that at canteen b where the food was horrible. food at north spine is a thousand times better. hope we'll go for lectures at north spine more often then i can have subway everyday. hahas. anw, i had to ask ppl for directions when walking to north spine also. feel so paiseh and xia suay. hahas.

after lunch went to kailing + huilin's room! wahahha. and i left a post it for huilin so sweet of me right. dunno if she's seen it yet. but i bet she'll dao my post it one lor :( that ah lian forever so fierce. boos. cant wait to stay into hall so i can see SA seniors! hope i get hall9 even if i cant get hall2. boos. i really dun wan hall 7 for goodness sake. passed by hall 7 today and its like SUPER SUPER SUPER x10000000000000 CUI. gosh. it looks like some abandoned buliding lah. boohoo. pls pls pls pls pls bo bi bo bi bo bi pam doesnt get hall7. cos she's my roomie and she's on the recommendation list for hall7. =x hahas.

tmr im gg back to SA ! with pam! whee. and tmr im gonna complain about hall 7 to her. muahaha.

i miss SA. i miss saintsbball. both juniors and seniors. and the team. boos.

2008-07-14T20:40:00.003+08:00

went for my treatment today and the nurse today is so no skill lah! walao first time my toe bleed lor! :(:( and now my toe looks atrocious omg looks like there's a hole there la. sighs!

met up with dumb after the thing. supposed to meet at 1230 at city hall but she so kiasu lahh 1140 jiu met me at novena alr. must be scared that i run away -.- LAUGHS. anw ate at shokudo and watched hancock. hancock isnt nice at all la and dunno who told me its nice! i rmb jas telling me and dunno who else. rahhs. firstly, it has a lame story line. 2ndly, the show is v slow! 3rdly, too much talking and some more is those no link to the movie one. boohoo. esp the front part la super boring but the fighting part was quite cool. hah. then dumbs was like so bored that she felt like slping. make me feel so guilty cos it was me who wanted to watch the show. boos we should reli have watched 10 promises instead. :((( sorry dumbbs!

tmr's health check at ntu. boos so so so far lahh. yawns.

first time after so long i feel like drinking alcohol to drown my sorrows. not like it really helps. but i just feel like drinking. booos.

2008-07-12T22:28:00.002+08:00

ive got a new magic green book to save all my thoughts so now i dunno wat to blog here anymore. anyway, thanks dumbo for the book. its smth i reli needed at this time :) i'm happy to have known such a thoughtful and stupid dumbo. heheh. :D

anw, went to vivo today. was supposed to catch hancock (like finally) but someone forgot her wallet and thus had to meet at a later time. so we didnt catch any movie in the end :( but nvm cos we're gonna catch 10 promises on monday righttt? heheh. so we went all the way to vivo just to eat the chicken rice damn cool right? haha. she was supposed to have a dinner gathering there but in the end she pangseh-ed them and we went off to amk hub. haha. so mean. still say me mean everytime. boos.

idunwannathinkaboutit,
butitjustcomes.
booos.

2008-07-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

today i had a 'singapore tour'. machiam amazing race la so cool. haha. anw went to town with kailing to collect her phone. and i think im super blur and clumsy cos i just spoilt our very nice neoprint :( sorry! everytime we go out i will do something wrong to make myself feel bad. sighs. after that went to pasir ris to meet up with meiping stella jillian kaiting kahyan and jasmin. like finally la cos super long nv see them alr. then tmr gg back anderson sec yay. :) misses misses.

okayy im lazy to continue blogging im shagg. yawns. :((

im so scared that all these will disappear one day..
after all.........
sighs.

2008-07-09T22:47:00.003+08:00

okayy so i realised i havent blogged a thing about the camp.

before i say anything, NUEVE rox! HAHA.

the 5 days in camp passed by like the wind. seriously good times always fly. i didnt get into the same og as meiping the chimp. i was in POTA and she was in tito. sad to say, POTA and tito are enemies during the camp la. haha. we could be friendly and allies with all other groups but not tito. anw, i jus see a guy reli bu shuang dere. i bet the whole of POTA has the same sentiments as me. haha. everyday of the camp was a memorable one for me, and i bet for every1 in nueve. hahas. besides those station games water games and all, other highlights were fright night and amazing race. fright night was really scary, but fun too. its a night i'll never forget okayy. hahas. all the seniors thought i wasnt scared la but actually deep inside i was. who wont be scared pls! omg. their acting so real some more. plus i had a real chopper sliding on my back and head wtf. =X how not to be scared?? haha. oh and there's the amazing race! first time playing the amazing race haha okay i knw im a shit by nt having played it b4 in my previous schools but well, it was fun too ! and super shag! haha. thou we din get first, but we had fun and thats wats mos impt. :D

and of cos not forgetting getting to know the bunch of great ppl frm the camp! my fellow pota mates, seniors and sp. haha. POTA rocks my socks. :)

and girl, i hope you're doing okayy. jiayou.

the tears inside of me,
im just trying to avoid them.
and be strong.
and yes im strong. :)

2008-07-08T22:37:00.005+08:00

seriously the dust in here is piling up. poor stitch. have to leave with all the dust. haha.

i know ive been really mean girl. i know it hurts. and it hurts me too to see u like that. but, well, i dun hav to say anymore in here cos ive said everything that i could. just live life happily ok? i knw its hard for u now... but all i can say, is im sorry for all that ive done. i knw u are gonna hate me, your frens are gonna hate me and blame me, but i knw u will understand..

went to town with stupid kailing today. she does all the stupid things. hahaha joking joking. had sushi tei then watched its a boy girl thing then went for gelare and home sweet home. haha. and i think we are damn dumb cos we went to gelare but we din eat the waffle. -.- okayy thanks to me la actually. and im feeling so damn bad. :( anw the movie was ok only. kinda boring at the start but well overall still ok la.

damn shag now i wanna slp.

为何我总是喜欢上不该喜欢的人

2008-06-26T12:36:00.002+08:00

oh yay im going to say byebye to my office and cheryl and the irritating accountant tmr alr. and im gonna say hi to my fellow coursemates on monday! whee whee whee. so excited. but i really hope i can be enthu during the 5 day camp man. but its gonna be kinda hard, cos im a shy person. -blushes- LAUGHS.

guess what? im finally starting to watch prison break. HAHA. i knw im like lagging lagging cos im still at season 1, which i guess ppl have watched like thousand years ago. haha. but im gonna catch up real fast okayy. and yes its really nice thou im not into action shows but there may be exceptions at times. and the guy is really very shuai haha woops =X

after orientation means school is starting real soon. omg my time is so packed that im in a loss right now as to how 2 arrange my time. camps, outings, driving practicals, and of cos not forgetting precious time with my baby. and im starting to consider giving tuition when im in uni cos i think i will really be hard up for money when im in there man. but im lazy to travel around also. anw, ppl staying near ntu (at most 30mins away), please tell me if u want tuition ok? :D HAHA.

so looking forward and yet so not looking forward to uni life. =X

baby, thanksforallthatyou'vebeendoingforme.
iknowitandicanfeelittoo.
loves.

2008-06-23T17:47:00.003+08:00

yes its the last day of work. gonna say byebye to all the routine and tiring stuff ive been going through since december booos. but of cos, uni isnt going to be any better. i guess its gonna be worse la. but at least, im gonna have friends around me. not gonna be so no life anymore. working life has made me o so secluded from the outside world. =x

i think there's something seriously wrong with my eyes suddenly. cos i cant see clearly. i dunno how 2 describe it. oh no am i going to be blind??? =SSSS

imlivinginconfusion.
imtired.
idunevenknowwhatiwant.
butimtryinghard.

2008-06-18T15:33:00.002+08:00

RAHH. uni admission is getting me irritated. 4 months ago, i had to trouble about what course i wanted. after scaling down to chem engine and biz, i had to make a choice between the two to put as my first choice. and i chose chem engine and applied for both ntu n nus. after doing that, the letters from both universities came and i got chem engine for ntu and biz for nus. so this got me thinking again, whether to go for chem engine or biz. so yes i stuck to chem engine and then accepted ntu's offer. then comes friends (and even myself) telling me that nus chem engine is better and that with my results i should appeal to get into nus chem engine. so i did that, and now, my appeal is half successful and nus called me and said to offer me COMMON engineering whereby i can most probably get streamed to chem engine in the 2nd year. and now, i have to make a choice between common engineering (in which i can still have 1 more year to think of which engineering stream i want), or stick to chem engineering still. GREAT. uni applications are so irritating! esp when all these dilemmas keep popping out.

BUT, I'M TELLING MYSELF IM GONNA STICK TO NTU.

stop thinking anymore. rahhhs.

2008-06-18T13:57:00.002+08:00

watching sex and the city online now in the office. haha. waiting for it to load so here i m updating this post, though i dun really know what to update. =x anyways, gg for u16 match later hope everything goes well. jiayou girls. =)) im tired and i wanna sleep. yawns.

2008-06-16T11:30:00.000+08:00

i just realise i need to do crazy shopping for clothes really soon. cos school's starting. gosh. =X

hongkong

2008-06-16T10:13:00.007+08:00

okayy here are some photos we took in hk. i knw this is retardedly slow but cos i jus got them from cheryl today =X

zi lian-ing in the hotel room in hk :D

hotel lobby. i super like this photo lahh. (cos this is the only photo that i look decent in haha)

hk mtr! shop till super tired lahh.

chuayh me cheryl n jinrong (yh's bro aka cheryl's bf) HAHS.

cheryl the retarded pig n me :D

walao y so fiere sia? =S

i think this photo is super retarded. haha.

this one aint any better. anw this is macau alr!

2008-02-14T10:17:00.002+08:00

happy valentine's day :)

i think ive lost. cos its 1020am now and my phone is still quiet. i guess, i really have to accept the result. i will keep my promise to myself to let go after today. and yes i should really do so, to make my life easier and happier. lets hope that it will be easy for me to let go :))

im hungry for food :( havent ate a thing since last night. talking about hungry, perhaps im not just hungry for food ae? HAA.

2008-02-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

omg i cant believe she called me back!! i jus wanted to check if she changed her number so i tried to call and hanged up once the call got through. and i really wasnt expecting her to call back, thou i was hoping haha. and she really called back!!! i hesitated awhile before answering cos i didnt know what to say. in the end i picked up and she asked y i called. and i was stupid enough to say the truth, which meant that i didnt have a chance to chat longer with her. omg omg omg what are my brains for?? why the hell didnt i seize the opportunity? blahhh. stupid me. but well. im quite satisfied alrdy cos i FINALLY got to hear your voice after a pretty long time. but the satisfaction didnt las long thou. i messaged her and what i got in return were one liner replies. got me quite sad but well, at least there's a reply. better than none ae. =)

2008-02-08T13:52:00.001+08:00

all 3 movies down. :)) all 3 are nice! but i think cj7 was the best ba. kf dunk and ah long pte ltd were more of entertaining.

whenever im at amk hub, i cant help but keep looking around every now and then, with the hope that the person im looking for might walk past me or might be in one of the shops there. but well, i only end up in utter disappointment every single time without fail. perhaps we're really not fated to meet ba. hmm.

is it because valentine's is nearing thats y this whole thing is bugging me again. tears just gush up into my eyes whenever i think about it or whenever the car drives past those places. why is it so difficult, when i thought it could be easy? and surprisingly this has been the most difficult ever since, though it should be the easiest. RAAHHHHH.

and the worst thing is, i have to keep all these to myself. i cant talk to anyone about this, cos noone understands. one would just joke about it and say im crazy and stupid, another would get angry and say im stupid too. yea i think i am stupid huh?

this is really tiring me out.

2008-02-06T16:31:00.001+08:00

just came back frm cj7. omg its really nice! :)) can laugh till cry and sad till cry. haha. stephen chow has succeeded in this movie cos he said this movie aims to make ppl cry. LOL. cant wait for my next movie tonight wheee. :))

i just kept looking around,
afraid that i might miss my chance to see you even when you're so near.

2008-02-04T19:15:00.000+08:00

ytd went to heiba's house to bai nian. LOL. okay u know its kinda early to go bai nian but well, i dunno why they organised it ytd also. haha. but it was a good gathering for us la. alot of batches were there. so long never see them le lahh miss them like hell! esp ade xy rach n simone! yvonne din come la so sad :( hope can meet up often with ade xy n von to catch up and all. but i guess every1 would be busy with our own schedule ba. hmm.

okayy ive started to think about that thing again. wtf. why cant it just leave me alone???

2008-02-02T00:16:00.000+08:00

today's a pretty nice day, cept from the part where i got nagged and kaobei-ed by my parents once i got home. rahhh.

work today was SUPER slack. cos for 3/4 of the day we were driving around singapore. haha. left office with cheryl and joseph at about 1 to go to funan to get some stuff for auntie, then to bukit merah/timah/batok (one of them) for lunch, then to alexandra to collect chuayinghui's com from hp service centre, which was jus opposite old SA! :D reached office at around 530 which was like half an hour to knock off time. haha.

met up with cindy n tingxuan at timbre! omg la it was like super long since i saw toh ting xuan can. haha. she's changed alot. its really a big diff between the ttx before melbourne and after melbourne. HAHA. and since cindy's also gg to UOM soon, the 2 of them were talking so much about UOM stuff which made me so so so jealous and envious :( i wanna go there and experience life tooo. sighs. hmm. anyways, timbre is a really nice place to hang out lahh. the live band was alright. i love the female singer! i think her name is sara haha. she's so super cute la omg and her voice is damn nice and strong. and she's REALLY cute, and pretty of cos. haha. but male singer was nice too. the drummer was ok lahh. i think the problem with him is that he doesnt look cool at all, and the way he plays is not cool too. my drum teacher terry is better! HAHA. handsome and cool. haha.

the way home was fun too cos the taxi driver was a really cool and nice uncle. he chatted so much with me la and unlike other kuku taxi uncles, i could relate to the topics he talked about. he talked so much about his daughter and sons and their lives and all, and asked about mine too. haha. and the funniest thing was that he said i looked really FIT! LOL. i think cos night time arh then he couldnt see properly. lol. first time ppl say i look fit lahhh. haha.

okayy today's a happening day. :))

2008-01-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

took leave today with cheryl to go shop for new year clothes. haha. but i think i will wear the stuff i bought before cny. lol. shit lahh its really a wrong choice to go shopping with the 2 shopping queens. FIRST, THEY MADE ME CARRY EVERYTHING WHICH IS EQUIVALENT TO 2 HUGE FOURSKIN CARRIERS, 1 HUGE DC SUPER HEROES CARRIER, AND 1 HUGE QUEEN'S CARRIER. i looked so like an auntie carrying those bags lah cos i carried them over my shoulder. dun understand why the heck large carriers have to have long strings. rahh. and you know how long the huge fourskin carrier is. i keep obstructing ppl's way lahh. had to keep saying sorry to ppl. SECOND, I SPENT MORE THAN I SHOULD. :( i was supposed to spend below $50 cos i only had to get a cardigan and a belt. and more imptly i wasnt supposed to use my nets. but in the end, i spend 50 over bucks using my nets, and my wallet is left with 20 bucks. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( and tmr i have to spend more again! going timbre with tingxuan n cindy and i dunno how much i need to spend there lahh. and i assume its not gonna be cheap there.

NEW new year resolution for 2008: stop going shopping with CHUAYINGHUI or else my pocket will have holes everywhere in no time.

2008-01-29T09:26:00.000+08:00

results are coming out in no time. perhaps after cny? gosh. i suddenly feel so worried and scared. what if i see an E or S or U for my gp and econs? what if i didnt get my As for phy chem and maths? i really have no confidence all of a sudden, esp econs and chem, and gp of cos. have been spending time writing the essay for the psc scholarship these few days. maybe after all, i wouldnt need the essay at all cos my results would be too lousy to apply for any scholarship. the higher the hopes, the bigger the disappointment. so perhaps, i shouldnt pin such high hopes on my results. but i really cant help it but to pin high hopes on myself! RAHHH. this really sux.

somebody bring me to peninsula again. i want to get my cardigan and belt. :( HAHA.

why are ppl around me asking about you every single day?

2008-01-28T09:56:00.000+08:00

went for porridge steamboat ytd night to celebrate our dear xuan's bday. :) i think the steamboat was ok only. not that nice lo. haha. and taking into account that there was a cockroach on one of the plates! i think i'll nv go there again. haha.

saw a maid who we think was abused by the household at the steamboat place. she has bruises on her face and nose, and she doesnt look happy at all. throughout the whole dinner session she spent most of the time serving the family and her face gave me the feeling that she was full of hatred and depression. i seriously think she cries to sleep every night. sighs. why are there such ppl around who thinks that maids are their pets? come on man get a life lahh. maids are humans too and they are just making a living. being ordered around is bad enough and she still has to be your punching bag? gosh. and to think that i have a relative who is like that. i really feel for them, but there's nth i can do ae? sighs. this world is just that unfair i guess.

wth.its been so long and u're still stuck in my mind.
whats my problem? rahh.

2008-01-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

shopping after drum lesson is a torture! esp when i used alot of the pedal today. :( went for lesson alone today cos doris wasnt free. lesson time passes by really fast alone. 1 hr seemed like 15 mins lah.

went to bugis to meet up with meining sheryl and lynette. walao its really a bad choice to go bugis v on weekends, esp when cny is nearing. so super crowded and squeezy la. RAHH. went to penin after that. wah skinnys there are really cheap. haha. i'll nv get skinnys else where again. haha. bought 2 skinnys, white and denim. yay i finally got my denim skinny. whee. after penin was suntec. seriously i think cotton on stuffs arent worth the money. haha. except for the slippers :D got it for 5 bucks. haha.

i seriously seriously want a drum set. but i think i can only have it in my dreams. BOO.

2008-01-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

collected my phone from town today. whee. helped my mum get her stuff then went to disturb cindy at her working place, which is polo jeans at shaw house. haha. chatted with her abit while messing up the clothes. HAHA. =P got a lift home from her mum. her mum's a really nice person man. and of cos a nice mum. im super envious of her la, cos she has a nice mum. im a person who's super sensitive to mums, i dont know y. maybe cos i really long for love and care frm my mum, but i guess i'll never get it? i dun mean that my mum doesnt love or care for me, its just dat, her way of showing care for me totally sux. all she does is nag, shout, scold, complain. esp these few days. thou ppl may say that its her way of showing care and concern for me, i dun feel loved at all. sighs.

anyway, im so happy cos i finally got to ride in a lexus car (cindy's mum's car) !!!! :D my dream carrrrr. haha.

i so wanna go to UOM too :(

2008-01-25T15:25:00.000+08:00

who can go peninsula with me tmr? :(

o i sound so like a loner. HAHA.

2008-01-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

yay finished watching survivor's law II :) its a super nice show and i really recommend it. i finished watching it within 3 days lah i think im super pro. haha. but i feel really bad slacking during working hours. but luckily i finished watching it today cos tmr's gonna be a busy busy day. i can imagine myself doing OT tmr :(

i suddenly feel like going overseas to study, esp melbourne. gg overseas to study is a good way to get away frm all the mess im going through now. i would be able to experience a new life, have a better view of what the world outside is like, and learn to be independent. furthermore, university of melbourne is of a higher ranking than singapore's universities. but i can only go dere if i get a scholarship. sighs. so i guess i can only dream of being there bahh. :(

collecting phone phone tmr! whee :D

2008-01-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

o level results are coming out tmr! so excited for them. haha. esp min and chuayinghui. hope that they will get what they want and deserve. :) hope min can remain in sa, n chua can get into tp.

o's are out tmr. which means a's are prolly on the way. mixed feelings about it. i really want that day to come soon. but yet, inside of me there's this fear thats holding this desire back. o wells. we have to get our results sooner or later, so just face it when its here. haha. seriously, i aint as confident as i seem. im so afraid of letting the ppl around me down, and of cos letting myself down. ive always pinned super high hopes on myself, and im so afraid, that i'll just end up getting disappointed. i may seem to be really confident and cool about it, but in fact, i guess, im much more afraid than many of them out there.

2 more days to collect my phone :) i miss my phone, badly, thou it has only been one day.

2008-01-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

got my phone sent for servicing. had to wait for one and a half hour for my turn lahhh. wth. they should really open more counters to improve their service, knowing that they are located in town. duhh.

during the wait i went to shop around and have dinner alone, yes alone. too bored till i made lotsa observations. 1st: good looking guys and guys with dress sense is really getting rare in singapore. 2nd: gays are on the rise. 3rd: how come everyone around me seems to be attached except me? 4th: overheard a conversation over dinner. they were talking about how they missed secondary sch life and all. i miss it too. :(

oh and also thanks to cheryl for driving me to the mrt stn haha. bcos of her i could leave the office abit earlier and reach town abit earlier and could get home abit earlier. imagine leaving offcie at 6 and reaching town at 7. i think my turn would only come at 8 plus lahh. phew. but the car ride got me emo. cos we passed by the girls' brigade centre. why is it that when i wanna get everything out of my sight things jus pop right in front of me. rahh.

all the messages frm my k630 are gonna be erased. which means all her messages will be erased. is that considered a good or bad thing? o wells. still troubling over what to do for vday. sighhhs.

2008-01-22T10:25:00.001+08:00

i think im gonna rot in the office today again. cos i think auntie (the boss) is not coming. haha. but i think in the end i'll still have some random work to do lahh. hmm. or maybe she's coming after all. haha. okayy its obvious that im really bored huh. haha.

my k630i needs to go for servicing! :( it just randomly hanged on me ytd and never worked again. dammmn. bringing it all the way to town frm my workplace today. no choice lahh. that phone is my baobei now. haha. and im gonna kick away my w880 soon in about a month's time. whee. cos one of my plan is eligible for upgrade soon! getting samsung i guess. yay. :))

while dressing up for work this mrng, saw my new clothes in the wardrobe. was really tempted but i cant cant cant! cos thats for new yr :(

ineedtobekeptoccupied
tokeepmymindoccupied
byeverythingelsebutyou

2008-01-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

happy 18th birthday to phua meining! :)

spent her birthday together with sheryl crystal lynette and wendy. hehe. met the birthday girl/boy at amk mrt first before going to town tgt. guess who we saw at the mrt? connie and mer! wahaha. super qiao la. super long nv see mer alrdy and she has changed so much! become pretty and more mature le. haha. not saying that connie hasnt changed la. jus dat ive been seeing connie more often recently. so the 4 of us travelled to town tgt before going our separate ways.

sheryl bought balloons for meining! awww so sweet lahh. so jealous :( thinking back, my 18th birthday celebration was kinda depressing cos it was mugging period for As lahh. i swear im gonna have a nice nice 21st birthday celebration whee. had seoul garden for dinner. o and guess what its meining's 2nd time at sg! HAHA. ok la i shant be so bad to laugh at her about that la. ppl today biggest lei. haha. =X

oh and i got 3 tops today! two from fourskin and 1 frm topman. yay i finally got my first red top. wahaha. :) then after spending so much i realised i havent bought any bottoms for cny. woops. gonna get them frm peninsula some time this week.

bumped into cindy at taka too. or rather she bumped into me haha. cos i din see her until she called me haha. she's so pretty la haha woops =x. and i did smthg v unglam la. it was jus my natural reaction ma haha woops. feeling so paiseh still la omg.

valentine's nearing. i guess i'll be having a sad vday this yr. sighs.

afraidofbeingalone.
costhatswhenmythoughtsrunwild.

2008-01-19T21:54:00.001+08:00

thanks for totally ignoring me. and i mean totally. it hurts, but i guess u did it to make it easier for me to let go. instead of replying my smses and answering my calls to make me feel that there's still hope, u dashed all my hopes by choosing to hurt me this way. i should really thank you for that. and i really mean it. im not being sarcastic. but i really wonder, how long would it take for the wound to recover, whether a scar would remain. after all, this is smthg ive been wanting for a good 6 mths or so. and its also the first time i did all those stuff, just to get what i want (but to end up in total failure).

in the midst of all these crap going on in my life, there's this one person, special-est of the special-est to me, who has stood by me and accompanied me throughout, and i really want to thank her. min, i know ive hurt u, i know ive been really selfish, i know ive been a total bastard, but believe me, i didnt want all these to happen. i know u understand me and all the crap im going through. thanks girl. :)

imissthatphonecallthatwehad.
butiknowthatitwontcomebackagain.

i just have to accept tt this is just another phase of my life.
growup, kid.

2008-01-18T09:32:00.000+08:00

blogging in the office is really a good way to occupy myself when im super bored. haha. and to keep my blog alive at the same time. killing 2 birds with 1 stone. (:

went back school ytd to have seniors vs juniors match. havent played like that for ages la. i really miss the feeling of competitions. the feeling of a hunger for victory. the satisfaction of getting the ball into the hoop and getting the possession of the ball from the opponent. though i really miss all these, i doubt i'll be going back to competitive basketball again, for now at least.

and i lost control of my emotions in sch ytd. wtf. sorry girls, esp boon krist yeuai and germ. i guess i scared u guys. haha. i understand that the 'extra' thing was a joke. but it just affected me somehow i dunno why. perhaps im just tired of listening to all these 'extra' crap nowadays. i just seem extra everywhere i go. plus i wasnt in the best state of mind ytd. so i just couldnt control myself. really dui bu qi. (: but the lucky thing was i could vent everything on court. getting myself tired, pushing myself to win, makes me forget everything outside the court. and i think the girls are really improving bit by bit. keep it up girls and top4 will belong to saints this year ya. :) and lets pray for jesslyn's recovery. hehe.

so the most i can do when im thinking of her is to let the photos on friendster run just like that. over and over again. its really a torture. but i guess, time can heal everything? i really wanna put a fullstop to this obssession.

2008-01-17T13:21:00.000+08:00

hoho. kapoked this from luan's blog and i think its really really true. well for me at least. haha.

What Oh Shan Ting Means

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-01-17T10:29:00.002+08:00

super tired today la. yawn yawn. ytd went to tm with chuayinghui and cheryl. they super pro can. they spent like 1 hr 45 mins in charles & keith. 0.0 then the pathetic me who doesnt have anything to do with charles & keith had to wait for the two da xiao jies. :(:( chuayinghui went home with 3 pairs of heels and a weird little bag, cheryl went home with 4 pairs of heels. and of cos, all the shopping bags went to me after paying, as always. haha. thou it was really a torture waiting for them, it was super funny looking at cheryl the xiao bu dian try on the heels. hahaha. her feet are so tiny dat even size 3 is still too big for her!! OMG LA. haha. her foot = my palm. and taking into consideration that my palm is quite small. hahahaha.

and yes my sms got dao-ed once again ytd. well, it was kinda expected but it still hurts. had some kinda heart to heart talk with minmin last night. perhaps she's right. im just hurting myself and the ppl around me by continuing doing what im doing right now, and perhaps im just doing all these to escape from the real stuffs i have to face. and yes she's totally right about one thing: seriously, i dont even know what im doing right now.

whatever it is, i guess i need lotsa time to chill off.

2008-01-16T14:23:00.000+08:00

虽然现在没有办法在一起，我想，我会等你吧。
会等多久，我不晓得。
我只知道，要我现在就放弃是不可能的。
只要你能幸福快乐，我什么都愿意。
喜欢不一定要在一起。
我只希望，能够如昨天那样，无所不谈，
我就心满意足了。

i think this song really describes what im going through right now. thanks to 933 and stupid joseph who asked me to listen to it. HAHA.

我开始想念
和他的每一天
聊了一整夜
说自己的从前
忽然在心理面
我隐约有一种
痛的感觉

我猜我是中了箭
才遇上他第七天
那一瞬间我有些晕眩
像全世界从此被偷走时间
我中了爱情的箭
很痛但是心很甜
我躲不开也不想避免

2008-01-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

life is always so full of dilemma. especially mine.

in a dilemma as to whether to continue playing basketball.
in a dilemma as to whether i should join the team my dad asked me to.
in a dilemma as to whether to continue living in my dream land and try to get something that'll never be mine.
in a dilemma as to whether to get a new job.
in a dilemma as to whether to give her a call.
in a dilemma as to whether to ask her out.
in a dilemma as to whether i should continue being a pest.
sigh sigh sigh.
all these dilemma, stuck in my mind. who can help me out of all these? MYSELF. but i dun think im helping much. cos everything just sucks when things dun go my way.

i know the answer. i really do.
i know i'll never get you, but i still wanna try.
i guess, that's just it huh?
there's so many things i wanna do with you.
if i would ever have the chance, i'll cherish every moment that i have.
but im quite certain that i'll never be given the chance to do so.
i guess, im just not meant to have you.

2008-01-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

though the waiting time was longer than the time tgt, and thought the time tgt was short, it was better than nothing :)) today's a happy happy day for me. hehe. im contented for now. haha. but i guess i'll be asking for more before i knw it. haha.

i really want it. i really do. but can i? hmm. doris is right. sms-es dun mean anything much :)

canwebemorethanjustfriends?

2008-01-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

caught in a dilemma. not knowing what to do. sighs. why does it seem so near yet so far. should i be more thick skinned and go for it, or should i jus stop being a pest. darn. y is it so difficult to stop myself frm falling into this. ARGHH. i really despise myself. boooos.